Remember Me?
It's been a while since I have dropped in to discuss my weight issues. It has been a very tough time for me. I lost my focus after the disappointment of a failed fertility treatment cycle just before Christmas. I took that disappointment very hard. I struggled emotionally through the holiday season. I allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted in an effort to be 'gentle' with myself. To be truthful, the food did not make me feel better. And the scale certainly reflected my choices. When I would step on, which was not often, I would see numbers such as 165, 166, 167. I cared. I hated to see the scale climb up. I could also feel it in my pants. They fit tightly. But I couldn't seem to gather my wits about me enough to pull myself together enough to get back on track.
My husband, seeing me struggle, insisted we try a fertility cycle again. So we just completed another attempt at getting pregnant. It also failed. And once again, I am heartbroken. Unless you've gone through this type of thing, you likely can't relate to the sense of loss. It's a very lonely feeling. I'm also beginning to feel resentful and angry. I suppose it's like any type of grieving. You go through the different stages, denial, bargaining, anger, etc.
So anyways, that's where I am at. I am struggling. But as I have said so many times, focussing on my diet does divert my attention to some degree from my fertility issues.
So, in regards to the Dr. Poon diet- I have canceled my in-office appointments indefinitely. It's difficult when doing a fertility treatment cycle to know when exactly you need to be in the fertility office. It is so time consuming as well. Cancelling my Dr. Poon weigh-ins just seemed like the right thing to do. Once I get myself refocused on my own, I will book an appointment, but I don't think I want to continue with a 2 week weigh-in schedule. I might drop it down to once a month or maybe even every six weeks.
This brings me to this morning. I have been more focussed the past few days than what I have been the past 2 months. And as such, my weight is 161.6 this morning. I consider this to be 'not too bad' - considering. But I truly want to see my weight in the 150s. I want to regain my focus. I want to eat clean. So today kicks off my first week of clean eating on Phase One.
Coffee x3 with cream
Breakfast - 2 eggs scrambled (Boy am I sick of scrambled eggs. I have to acknowledge though that if I start my day off with eggs, I tend to stay on track much better than if I skip breakfast or eat any other type of food).
lunch- a few hurried bites of leftover white turkey meat
dinner- turkey meat with gravy, diet coke
We had a busy evening and so I did not have a proper sit-down lunch or dinner. On the way home this evening we went through the Harvey's drive-thru. My husband got a combo of some sort and I am proud to say I waited until we got home and I warmed up some leftovers from the weekend. I hope my discipline is reflected on the scale in the morning.
Good night folks,
Thanks for coming back and reading my update after my absence
Jana
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