hello,
I'm feeling broken hearted. I was unable to make it to the clinic today for my pregnancy blood test because of bad weather. But my period arrived this afternoon and brought an end to my hopes of being pregnant. I am trying so hard to keep strong, to keep my chin up and to carry on, but it's so hard.
I don't know how to put this disappointment behind me and move forward. I don't want to allow it to ruin the holiday season. The moment I compose myself something triggers me and I am in tears once again.
I intend to proceed by putting everything I have into working on myself. I have quite a bit of work to do. I thought that I was an optimist, but the gloomy thoughts in my head are proving to me that I still have a lot of work to do on my self-talk. I need to revisit some books I've read over the years that have helped with positive thinking. I also plan to not turn down any invitations. I know I need to get out and enjoy life and not dwell in my self-pitty. I also need to laugh. I will try to seek out humor and comedy.
So it's time to set a new goal. I would like very much to weigh 145 lbs on my 35th birthday in March. I am going to strive to attain this goal and welcome the distraction that it will hopefully bring. Fittingly I have a Dr. Poon weigh-in tomorrow. I won't have great results but I don't think I have gained anything this month since my last weigh-in, and considering the month I have had I celebrate this as a victory.
I need strength to get me through this latest disappointment.
I will see you tomorrow with my weigh-in results.
Good night,
Jana
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